Jesus gives a command that is rarely (or never) explained in the modern church. I’m not sure I’ve heard or given a sermon on it. I’ve never attended a class on how to do it and why it’s important. No one talks about it, even though the life reality it points to happens almost every day—in our contentious times even more so. Everyone has experienced the problem it seeks to remedy. And yet, we never talk about it.
As a pastor, I’m embarrassed to admit the above paragraph is true for me—a leader in said church!
Christians are supposed to be the people who practice the patterns and teachings of Jesus. We are the one people on the whole face of the earth who take Jesus’ commands to heart and implement them as the normal course of life. Jesus said we are to do and teach others to do, “everything I have commanded you.”
So, on this, why aren’t we?
Because it is hard.
Here is Jesus’ command. “Bless those who curse you.” Luke 6:38
To up the challenge factor of the command, the word “bless” in the original language is the same root of eulogy. We’re to give a word of honor and dignity to that person.
Say what now, Jesus?
Someone—either with their words, their look, their body, their implication or suggestion, overtly or covertly, through action or inaction, via refusal to help or active participation in your demise—curses you. What they send your way is the vibe that you do not matter, you do not count, you are nobody. A nothing. A non-entity. To curse someone is to wish them pain and want them cut off.
Someone can curse you in traffic or curse you in your cubicle or curse you at your desk or curse you while you are sitting next to them on the couch or curse you on social media or curse you via text. The intent is always the same. “You don’t matter. I wish you were gone from the face of the earth.”
It happens with such frequency and predictability that Scripture describes the human condition itself as “under a curse.” It hangs over humanity like a dark cloud.
How, exactly, does one do what Jesus commands in these kinds of conditions?
Listen to Dallas Willard on what you and I are thinking at this point. “…when many look at the teachings of Christ, they are demoralized. They say, ?“I have to do these as I now am?”
Our current character, levels of trauma, need for self-care, patterns of response, and general outlook on life seem too ingrained to imagine a way that absorbs someone’s curse and returns it with honor and dignity.
Dallas Willard again. “Of course it’s impossible, but if you say instead that this is the sort of person I can become, then (Jesus’ commands) open up and appear as things that are good and not an imposition.”
So here is a pathway which, if taken, will allow you to become the kind of person who routinely blesses people who curse you.
Reminder, this is a command from Jesus.
Which means it is about human flourishing.
Which means it is an action.
Which means you need to practice it.
Which means it will take time.
Which means you’ll need to repeat it and have help before it becomes your natural response.
Enlist a friend to join you in the “School of Blessing Those Who Curse Me This Year.”
#1 See your emotion
What does this rise up in you? Pretending it isn’t there won’t help you get rid of it. What is in you? What emotion?
Name it before God and that friend.
I feel mistreated.
I feel neglected.
I feel hated.
I feel dismissed.
I feel like a failure.
I feel hate.
#2 Name the attack
Don’t minimize or spiritualize. Genuinely, this is a person who is cursing you—wanting your life to suffer and be harmed. The closer they are, the more the curse does its dark work. Pretending it isn’t really happening helps no one, most of all you. Measure the dimensions. How bad is it, really?
Tell this to God and that friend.
#3 See the person as a person
Right size them and you. An attack of the cursing variety has the ability to do one of two things. If you tend toward self-recrimination, it likely makes you feel small and them feel big. Or, if you tend toward flare-ups, makes you feel big and them feel small. Either way, the humanity is lost. Breathe and recognize there are two humans in this situation. Tell God and that friend you see the curser as a person and you see you as a person.
#4 Open your heart to compassion
What grief have they experienced? What do you suppose brought them to this point in their life? What sore spots in their heart remain? Where are they driven by hurt? Is this—as far as you can see—some sort of pattern in their behavior?
As you ask these sorts of questions, compassion begins to grow. Compassion is the fruit of seeing the needs of a person.
Rarely is the other person actually thinking about you. So often, they are seeing you as an impediment to what they want. Or they are responding out of their pain. This means their behavior really isn’t about you at all. Work to see them. Ask God to expand your heart for them and allow what you see to generate compassion in you.
#5 Craft words of honor and dignity
Once you see the person has a back story.
When you realize they are a fallible human like you.
As you accept that God is a blesser by nature—causing his sun to rise on the good and the evil.
Craft a sentence of honor and dignity. Maybe you can’t say it to them. They drove by you, the situation is too contentious presently, or you aren’t sure they are ready to hear. Write it out anyway and say it out loud, blessing and releasing them before God. If you can say it to them, say it, letting go of any expectation of response.
You are on your way to being someone who blesses those who curse you and are participating in the healing of the world.
- Pastor Scott Marshall, Wichita First Church of the Nazarene